We all have constant struggles in our lives, and every one of us is our own worst enemy when we could just as easily turn it around and be our best ally. It all starts and ends in your own mind.
Something I and probably you struggle with is over thinking, bouncing the same idea off of walls repeatedly in different forms of a monster, with each bounce it becomes even stronger and more self aware. Often times this leads us to become critical, and negative of ourselves and those around us. Negative self talk is the dragon, and we can choose to slay it, or be consumed by fire.
We need to take the time to ACT instead of REACT.
An example of REACTING would be waking up in the morning, what’s the first thing you do? A lot of people I know (myself included) open up social networking to see what went on while we were asleep for the dismal 6 hours we weren’t online. This is instantly reacting, not acting. What you should do instead is take action. Get up, start getting shit done, eat breakfast, smile, move around, meditate. So many things that are so much more productive than facebook within the first few minutes of waking up.
I read this on a blog: “When you act, you’re the puppeteer, when you react, you’re the puppet.”
Think about that for a minute, what’s controlling your thoughts? Are you the puppeteer, or are you the puppet? In the past week have you moved towards any of your goals? What could you do with those first few minutes to make yourself a better person in the next week?
Working out 10 minutes a day for a month, is going to benefit you far greater than working out for 2 hours once a month. This applies to reading, writing, whatever your craft or your dreams are. You won’t achieve them by reacting to any situation.
Think of the last time you had an argument, or were angry at someone. Did you act, or react to the situation? The person you’re reacting to, is very likely reacting to something else. Or they could be acting on something, and you’re just taking it the wrong way. Ask yourself, is this persons intentions to make me feel this way? Why am I letting my insecurities, and negative self talk influence what their true intentions are? If the people you’re associating yourself with have negative intentions, cut them out of your life. You have ZERO reason for them to be in your life in any capacity.
Block them, delete them, get rid of them. You don’t have to explain yourself, or give any reasoning.
If everyone reacts we’ll have a chain reaction, then BOOM. This isn’t productive for anyone.
What I need to practice more is taking time to stop and take a breath. To be present here and now. In this moment. To take action. Rather than reaction.
Be here now.
Here are 5 ways to start working on your positive self talk today:
1. Be Self Aware
If you’re not aware that you have negative self talk, it’s going to be difficult to alter. When you look into the mirror what words and thoughts come to your mind? It should be “Damn, I’m looking good today.” Let’s start with smiling back at yourself, and telling yourself that you’re fucking awesome because you are.
How often do you tell yourself that you can’t? That you “Literally, can’t even”? Chances are you can, you might need a little help, but you are capable of achieving much more than you’re even aware of. Next time you find yourself saying “I can’t” question it. Why can’t you? Now prove yourself wrong and do it.
2. Positive Affirmations
Everyone’s tried these right? Recently my friend was incredibly depressed, and I showed him a book I was reading called “Love Yourself As If Your Life Depended On It” he called me a couple days later and told me that this book saved his life. The entire book is about telling yourself that you love yourself, over and over. This is simply what an affirmation is.
Change your password to 1lovemys3lf – be more creative, but how often do you type your passwords every single day? This guy did it, and changed his entire life.
3. Change Your Influences
We briefly touched on this, but change who you hang around. Any negative influence in your life, get rid of it. This isn’t limited to people you hang around in real life, but social media, news, television, radio, et cetera. Use the unfollow button, don’t read the news. Instead fill your life with positive influences. It’s taken a while, but my facebook feed is purely inspirational, it either makes me laugh, or motivates me to the next level. Everyone else is hidden.
4. Don’t Deal With Absolutes
Avoid phrases like “I never, I am, I always, Everybody, Nobody”. It’s a normal trait to want to look at things in black and white, without the uncomfortable gray area. Absolutes are black and white, leaving no gray area for different choices. Absolutes create a limitation on your capacity for change. When speaking in absolutes you’re no longer in a learning mindset, you’ve shutdown being open to other possibilities.
Ask yourself “Is this really black and white, or is there room for more?” If you catch yourself using an absolute replace it with a words of possibility, and room for gray. Be more conscious of your speech.
5. Ask Yourself Questions
What thought process did I take to end up here? Why am I thinking what I’m thinking? What is another way to look at the situation that’s more rational that the way I’m looking at it now? What is a better solution to get past this train of thought? What is the worst thing that could happen, and how likely is it that that will actually happen? What positive words can I replace this negative self talk with right now?
There are 5 things to start with. Let’s take actions to be the puppeteer and not the puppet. Let’s control our minds, and not let our minds control us. Too many times we are our own prisoners, and it’s time to break out.